LANE WALLACE

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It’s a theme I’ve been hearing a lot, lately. The world seems to be in crisis, life is still not normal after COVID-19, and the stressful burdens of work, family, and other smaller disasters seem to be piling on a lot of people’s daily lives. Life throws everyone storms every now and then. But we also sometimes just overcommit or get caught up in too many things. Either way, if we’re not careful, those feelings of stress and overwhelmedness can spiral, leaving us too exhausted or paralyzed to perform at anywhere near our professional best or keep our cool and balance. We’ve all seen it; most of us have been guilty of it at one point or another. So what can we do, when it’s all too much, so we don’t spiral into that awful place of emotional craziness or despair? 

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1. Breathe. But literally and metaphorically. Stopping to just take a few deep breaths when you want to scream helps. So does asking yourself, in those moments … “What’s the worst that’s happens if I drop something? Is someone going to die?” Usually, the answer is no, allowing a little bit of calming perspective to find its way in around the edges of impending overload panic.      

 

But it’s also important to work some metaphorical breathing space into your days—especially when it’s all too much. In my mom’s final weeks of life, I was caring for her at home while managing a rotating staff of 16 state-provided and private-hired aides and nurses, 24/7, while fighting non-stop battles with the medical and government entities who were standing in my way, getting 5 or 6 hours of sleep a night if I was lucky. But even then, I tried to take a half hour at the beginning and end of the day for myself, just to breathe. I’d take 30 minutes in the morning to sip a cup of coffee in bed, listening to soothing music, to breathe and get my strength and courage together to face the day without losing my mind. And I’d do it again at night, reading some light novel for half an hour to calm my mind again, before turning out the light. I took walks when I could, even if it was for 20 minutes in 17-degree New England winter weather, just to get some fresh air. Fresh air really helps.

 

2. Focus on the basics, and do them, one step at a time. Take a shower. Get dressed. Eat something. Make sure the kids have the essentials they need. Think about just one thing at a time, as you’re doing it. It sounds crazy, but when it’s all too much, even pouring a bowl of cereal and having some of it spill can bring you to tears or rage, because it’s in the way of all the impossible and overwhelming number of other things you need to do. So just shut out the rest and focus on pouring the cereal. It sounds crazy, but I promise, it helps. If some of it then spills, you’re less likely to explode.  

 

3. Loadshed. In aviation, pilots are taught the crisis management mantra: “aviate, navigate, communicate.” If you try to keep doing it all, or switch the order up … well, that’s how a lot of pilots crash. But the concept also applies to life. Resisting overwhelmedness requires a ruthless combination of clear prioritization and then “loadshedding,” or dropping any demands that aren’t part of those essential top priorities.  

 

This is where a lot of us go under. We feel too guilty to drop the nonessentials so we can manage the tasks that are most important. But I’m here to tell you, the world will keep turning, even if you let go of a lot of things. Start by loadshedding the time spent on any and all social media or news. I promise you, the world will keep turning and you’ll have more time to do what’s most important. Let the house and yard go. While my mother was dying, I also dropped my workouts, except for those walks. I didn’t respond to any texts or emails that weren’t essential. We don’t actually NEED to attend all those functions or kids’ events, or even cook normal meals. Takeout and frozen dinners will keep us and even our families alive until we have time to do more. It’s amazing what the world will forgive if we just respond, as Captain Sullenberger did to all of ATC’s requests before landing in the Hudson River … “Unable.” It’s when we don’t clearly announce our limitations, and then messily crash on our obligations and commitments with no time for anyone to adjust, that people get most annoyed with us.

 

Of course, if “overwhelmed” has become the ongoing, constant state of our lives, we need to really look at restructuring what we’re doing and loadshed in a more permanent fashion. Don’t set yourself up for failure by committing to things you don’t really have the time to handle. (See my “10 Pennies Rule” column from a couple of years ago for more on that.)

 

4. ASK FOR HELP!! One of the reasons we end up in a crazy place is that we try to hold onto a belief that we’re okay, and we can handle things, until the load gets so overwhelming that we break. Don’t do that. If you start to feel overwhelmed, think of what you can ask family, friends, colleagues, or bosses to help you with. They might not be willing to give that assistance (which may lead you to re-evaluate those relationships, down the line), but people won’t help if you don’t ask. And be specific about what you’d like them to do.  

 

5. And finally, don’t lose faith in your own strength. We are all stronger than we believe we are, when life requires it of us. We can’t go at war emergency power forever without damaging ourselves, but we all have tremendous reserves of strength we can use, as long as we don’t surrender or panic. Focus on keeping the plane in the air long enough to land safely. Then regroup, recover and, if necessary, re-evaluate and commit to changing how you do things, going forward, so you don’t end up in that overwhelmed corner as often—and have a plan ready, in case life’s storms throw you there again.