LANE WALLACE

​Good career decision-making is no different. It’s by working ahead of time to develop that same kind of compass: a clear and grounded sense of who we are—including our strengths and limitations—as well as what we need, want, and respond best to, that we’re able to see what choices and actions are most likely to make us happy and meet those needs best.  

 

In my last column, I talked about what that kind of compass consists of. (To read that column again, go to Building a Compass Part 1.) To recap briefly: North represents our heading—the choices and actions most likely to keep us on course. That heading emerges from our work in the other three quadrants. South represents what we know about ourselves and the world: both who we really are and what matters most to us, plays to our strengths, meets our needs, and creates a lifestyle and environment where we’ll thrive. East and West represent what helps keep us grounded—to the East, a focus on internal vs. external rewards, and to the West, becoming more at peace with ourselves and our choices.

 

The next question, of course, is: how do we build such a compass? The short answer is through a combination of exploration, questioning, and reflection. Which might seem obvious, but also isn’t immediately helpful in terms of finding a place to begin. So, a few tips:

 

First, don’t get overwhelmed. Any knowledge is helpful, so anything you figure out is a win. Second, while not essential, it’s helpful to have someone who can act as a sounding board. Think about whether there’s someone in your life who’s mature, self-aware, and grounded enough to be a good thinking buddy or exploration partner. Someone who will listen without judgment and help provide worthwhile (key is worthwhile) insights, perspective, or simply reflect back what they hear you saying. Maybe it’s a friend you can talk to on a walk, over coffee, or by phone. If you don’t have that kind of person in your life, consider hiring a coach or therapist to provide that back-up. It helps. 

Then, start asking yourself questions that help build your South quadrant of self-knowledge. I have some downloadable worksheet aids. But worthwhile questions include: What are my ideas of success, where did they come from, and are they helping me be happy or not? Is there a better definition I should consider? What expectations and pressures do I feel about who I need to be, what I need to do or have, how I need to behave in the world, or what will make me “acceptable?” Where did I get those ideas, do I agree with them, and are they working for me? What parts of my job do I like the best/feel best at, and which parts do I hate or wish I could avoid? What’s most important, creates a sense of meaning, and defines an “acceptable quality of life” for me? What people, issues, or causes have I cared enough about to make sacrifices for in my life? What kind of environment, schedule, and types of people bring out the best in me? And, also importantly, what financial, personal, and family needs and obligations do I need to take care of at this point in my life? 

 

Even if you work through these questions in your head or in conversation, make sure you write your thoughts and answers down. Two reasons: first, it’s too much to keep straight otherwise. And second, writing things down helps you reflect back on them with a little bit of distance, which helps. One other note: Go beyond just listing an “answer.” Talk about or jot down experiences that demonstrate the validity of that answer. Upon reflection, our actions often reveal things about who we are and what matters most that differ with what we “think” is true.  

 

Getting some clarity on the South quadrant questions can then help you build the East/West quadrants that ground your directional choices in strength. Focusing more on internal versus external rewards (East) is challenging because we’re bombarded by so many pressures to pursue money, status, fame, and all those external things that look shiny but don’t actually make us happy. But once you have some South answers to what people/work/activities inspire you, give you a sense of meaning, and feel intrinsically rewarding, list where you have those things in your work and life. Then think about and list ideas about how and where you might get more. After all, building a compass isn’t just exploring what “is” in your life. It’s also about exploring where you might head to become happier and more fulfilled. 

 

Building your West quadrant is all about mind-set. In lives that are both imperfect and also often limited by factors outside our control, how do we come to peace with ourselves and our choices? First, stop looking at Instagram and imagining other people are any better or happier than you. They aren’t, no matter what public spin they put on it. Second, embrace a “growth” mindset. We’re all supposed to be works in progress. Otherwise, there’d be no point in the journey of life. There’s even a book by Carol Dweck called Mindset, which is a helpful resource. But a strong West foundation allows us to make choices more aligned with what we really need, as opposed to what looks good to the world. 

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The work of building our compasses is never “done.” They’re living guides that become more powerful as we learn, grow, and add new insights and experiential lessons to our databases. But if we have a strong and clear base of self-knowledge (South), a sense of what internally rewarding elements would help us be happier and more fulfilled (East), and the ability to be at peace with who we are and what we really need (West) … we can hold that knowledge up against any decision we’re facing. And I promise you, the compass will point North. Whatever choice or direction is most aligned with the elements that matter to you, will bring out your best, and is most likely to make you happy, will emerge. Sometimes with surprising clarity.

 

After that, you just have to find the courage to make that choice … keeping your compass at the ready, to guide you wherever that choice, and life, take you next.